MARCH 18 2012 08:09h
Don't try this at home -- or elsewhere!
Good. Let's keep it that way.
This week, however, one bear crossed the line. Wildlife officials in Longwood, Fla., said a woman was taking her pooch for a walk, when she was bitten in the butt by a black bear.
The woman suffered a few puncture wounds and off the charts bragging rights. But wildlife officials said they were setting traps for the bear, which they plan to euthanize, the Orlando Sentinel reported.
Also in the No Snickering Department, the denizens of City Hall and other public spaces in Trenton, N.J., had a close call this past week when they came close to running out of toilet paper.
City Council President Kathy McBride said they were down to a half box of toilet paper and one box of paper towels at one point. She and the city's maintenance supervisor said the fire department, senior citizens centers, museums and the police department were all about to run out of the precious stuff.
Acting Public Works Director Harold Hall stepped in to save the day, placing a $16,000 emergency order, acting Purchasing Agent Marchelle Marshall told The Times of Trenton.
"He has ordered the supplies as of today," she said Wednesday. "Some of the supplies were supposed to be delivered at 5 o'clock today, and some of the rest will be delivered tomorrow."
Meanwhile, the city council was deliberating over a longer-term contract to supply paper products to the city.
Well, in Sandusky, Ohio, police work is a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.
Come to think of it, don't try using the facilities there, either.
Police in the town said a man wanted on a weapons charge was spotted going into a rental property, where the police were granted permission to enter by someone in the home. When they confronted Nicholas Ross, 23, to place him under arrest, however, he was sitting on the throne with his pants around his ankles, the Sandusky Register reported.
So, what's the big stink, officers?
It turns out, police reported there was no stink. "There was no sign of a bowel movement in the toilet," police said.
He was hoisted off the throne and arrested on the spot.
Speaking of stinking up the joint, turn around is fair play, as they say, especially in Muscantine, Iowa, this week where a Republican running for a congressional seat arrived early for a campaign event and inserted himself into the lineup.
"My staffer runs up and says, 'Hey, Dan Dolan is here. Can he speak?' So they stopped everything, and I get up there and give my speech."
"I get done, a guy raises his hand and says, 'I think you want to talk to the Republicans.'"
Dolan was accidentally addressing the Democratic convention, which began at 11 a.m., instead of the Republican convention, which was taking place in the same building at 1 p.m., The Quad City Times reported.
Of course, if he wins the congressional seat, Dolan will fit right in with the rest of the Republicans in the nation's capital in Boise, Idaho.
ANTHONY HALL || United Press International
Whatever the bear does in the woods -- that's the bear's business, is it not?